10:27 am
20 September 2017

Mormons Buy Jamesthemormon’s Gospel Rap Album Instead Of Porn For A Day

Mormons Buy Jamesthemormon’s Gospel Rap Album Instead Of Porn For A Day

LDS faithful across the nation, apparently and surprisingly willing to listen to something that isn’t Lemonade, paused their chosen pornography subscriptions for one day and flocked to iTunes to buy the new EP “I’m Not A Rapper” by Jamesthemormon. Whether Jamesthemormon’s chosen appellation is a hat tip to Chance The Rapper or a desperate attempt at appealing to the only possible audience for the album was unknown at press time. The album debuted at #51 on Wed. April 27, then moved up to #8 the following day.

James is quick to mention on his Twitter feed that he is “…Not a Rapper,” as his EP’s title suggests. We tend to agree, but the not-rapper would likely take umbrage to the suggestion. A few tracks are buoyed by the talents of Junior Maile and Ali Shields (a listener is left wondering when he or she will release an album of their own), but all one needs to know about the album is that the music video for ‘Motivation’ features benign rule-breaker and self-identified ‘The Tattooed Mormon’ Al Fox Carroway. The steady march of safely rebellious poster children for the otherwise valiant rule-based faith carries on with a swaggered shoulder to the wheel. 

The production is decent as far as gospel rap goes, but a few things are certain: you should expect to see the official LDS church logo on a future restored-gospel-based music video; prepare for these songs to be played constantly at LaVell Edwards Stadium during the upcoming football season. It’s certainly the type of rap that BYU legend and proud Texan Ty Detmer would listen to. 

According to a 5-star iTunes review from “Boston Crockett”—who did not buy any porn on the day of purchase—they said that “Rap music is pretty hit and miss for me. Talking about sex, drugs, and cursing gets old. I love that you have a Positive message that is rap. I love your vibe! Great stuff James!”

Since Mormons love entertainment that approaches the brink of the explicit without broaching the limit, the content of the six tracks and 22 minutes of “I’m Not A Rapper” are just the right flavor for Mormons, whose seeming inability to stomach the rarely naughty lyrics of established Utah hip-hop acts House of Lewis or Apt is telling. There’s Mormon money in overtly presented morality, after all, and there is exponentially more Mormon money when fifty percent of the album’s profits are apparently being donated to the LDS missionary fund. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload the CAPTCHA.