10:08 pm
15 December 2017

London Temple Visitor’s Center Announces All-Gender Water Closet

London Temple Visitor’s Center Announces All-Gender Water Closet

In a move to further distance themselves culturally from the Utah-centric politicization of the LDS Church, the London Temple Visitor’s Center announced plans to open an all-gender water closet to serve those who visit the temple grounds.

“The temple is holy. The visitor’s center is holy. We have been given a mission by the Savior himself, and that is to welcome all and turn away none. That mission extends to the lou,” said Sis. Mary Taylor, temple Matriarch. “It is our job to be witnesses of Him at all times, in all places, and in all potties.”

When asked whether he thought people might misunderstand accommodating all genders in opportunities to relieve themselves as a step toward an official change in doctrine, Peter Taylor, London temple president, replied, “No. I think you would have to be about the least thoughtful person on the planet to confuse being a gracious host with compromising core principles and beliefs.”

Still others remain less convinced. Some members of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles have reportedly expressed concern that the European areas of the church are beginning to have opinions that do not correspond with coordinated efforts between LDS Public Affairs and the Utah Republican Party. “This delicate balance we enjoy between church and state, where one does not command the other, but both work in wisdom together, seeking light and knowledge from the Eternal Source of guidance in all human affairs, even that Supreme Governor of Heaven, is a tradition we must carefully export to those in less chosen parts of the Lord’s vineyard,” said a Vulcan-like Dallin H. Oaks.

When asked to comment on the announcement of an all-gender restroom in an LDS building, Utah Gov. Gary Herbert could not be reached: he was in a meeting signing preliminary contracts to sell federal lands to fossil fuel companies pending state takeover of these protected wilderness areas.

Meanwhile, back in London, Sis. Taylor said she looks forward to the day when the LDS Church will live up to its higher principles and start living a more celestial law of mutual respect. “I think the ultimate success of this being a truly international faith will be scrubbing it from the sticky influences of ethnocentric colonizing. Otherwise, we are not building the kingdom of heaven—we are just building another empire of man,” she observed. “Maybe it’s just the perspective distance gives us, but it strikes us as very odd that a people who were ordered to be run out and exterminated from the state in which they lived still haven’t learned the basic lessons of kindness across difference.”


1 comment

  • “A gracious host” … That and the London Temple… Over a toilet ‘s usage. I think the reference in the movie ” Excalibur ” over the search for the Holy Grail says it all, “Who does it serve? ” or rather who do you serve? You can’t have two masters and why would you allow offense to God in his house? London has fallen in love with the world.


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