04:22 am
18 January 2018

Rep. Chaffetz Secretly Votes For Clinton So He Can Drag On Benghazi Refrain

Rep. Chaffetz Secretly Votes For Clinton So He Can Drag On Benghazi Refrain

Inside sources said Rep. Jason Chaffetz, the small-handed vociferous gadfly to Sec. Clinton, secretly plans to vote for the woman who he has publicly lashed with a $6.5 million empty investigation; the unabashed Benghazi-drummer Congressman who lists his personal Gmail account on his congressional business card further clamored with much salivation that he will continue to antagonize her after she wins the election.

“I heard him on the phone, and he said something like, ‘if Hillary doesn’t get elected, how can I further my career by being an obstinate ass who plays to the biases of the Utahn populace? Nothing will look better for my gubernatorial run than when I can say I held Hillary’s feet to the fire even when all investigations cleared her for wrongdoing,’” said the covertly Democrat-leaning intern for the representative — the same representative who still owns the domain www.jasonforgovernor.com.

The source said that oftentimes during staff meetings, Utah’s Third District representative would deviate from a meeting’s agenda, giving an impassioned cry, ‘four dead Americans unaccounted for! Benghazi!’ before settling down and returning to the items at hand. “It is always very distracting,” said another staff member. “I’d try to say something like, ‘Ok Jason, let’s go back to the water treatment issues some residents of Provo have been complaining about.’”

“He just can’t let it go; it’s his white whale, or so he imagines,” said the intern. “I guess if you aren’t really doing anything for your constituency, it makes sense to try to tear down someone who has spent their whole life doing just that.”

When asked, the former Utah co-chairman of the 1988 Dukakis campaign emphatically denied these allegations. “Vote for Hillary? Are you kidding me? There are four dead Americans unaccounted for! She is a criminal and I will represent the people of Utah by continuing to beat a dead horse before my run for Gove… I mean, you know, so voters know I represent Utah values.”