Featured Posts

“Spring Has Sprung,” Says Man Who Is Dying Inside

Featured Posts, Latest News, News | by Tommy Cox

Local Ogden inhabitant Dennis Frisbee proclaimed that “spring has sprung,” just before he entered his shabby 89’ Honda Civic and headed off to a job that is eating away at his soul. “I love this weather, and this time of…

BREAKING: Moses Confirmed as Conspirator in Elder Bednar’s Parted Hair

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Add Elder David A. Bednar’s hair to the Red Sea as Moses’ shittum-wood bucket list of things he’s parted. Biblical powerhouse prophet Moses is a frequent specter rather than heavenly spectator with regard to the latter days, and his knack…

Pres. Obama Visits Utah To Build Huge White House Across The Street From Mitt Romney

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Pres. Obama made Utah his penultimate visit of the 50 states while serving as president, and the reason is leaving 73% of the state’s residents furious. Obama announced he’s decided to build a huge white house directly across the street…

Point/Counterpoint: Utah’s Reinstatement of the Firing Squad

Open Letter: Guys! Those Articles Are Clearly An April Fools Joke! Don’t Worry, Everyone, I’ve Got This!

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Fear not, fellow Internet devotees! A lot of the articles you read today are merely April Fools jokes! You can tell they are because I commented underneath the mischievous pieces, stating they were so. I’m pretty perceptive with these things.…

BREAKING: Pres. Monson Exclusively Used Personal Email Account To Conduct Personal Business

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

SALT LAKE CITY — President Thomas Spencer Monson exclusively used a personal email account to conduct personal business as Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, close friends and relatives said, and may have violated assumptions that…

What Does This Log Smell Like?

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

What Does This Log Smell Like? There’s a lot of debate on Tumblr about this right now, and we need to settle it. This is important because I think we’re going insane. So, click on the .SNF of this log—and…

Lakers Legend Karl Malone Threatens to Fight Already-Injured Former Teammate Kobe Bryant

Featured Posts, Sports | by Timothy McFoster

Lakers Legend Karl Malone challenged Lakers guard Kobe Bryant—who is already injured—to a fight. The tension is a decade old by now; late in 2004, Kobe accused his teammate Karl of making a pass at his wife during a game. Kobe—who…