News

Universe Announces God’s Contract Will Not Be Renewed Beyond 2013-2014 Season

Featured Posts, News | by Ripley Wainwright

After millennia of tactical missteps and strategic blunders, along with a particularly dismal 2013-2014 season in which Russia annexed Crimea, Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 went missing, and extremist Republicans shut down the United States government, the Universe announced early Thursday that it…

AWKWARD!: Satan, Prince of Darkness, Shows Up to 184th Annual General Conference

“Got ya!”: Prankster Putin Withdraws Troops From Crimea

Governor Herbert Proposes Multi-Level-Marketing Solution to Primary, Caucus Debate

Santa Once Again Brings Neighborhood’s Rich Prick More Gifts Than Good Kid

News | by Tommy Cox

West Jordan — It’s been confirmed by various sources that Santa Claus, international purveyor of joy, has once again shortchanged Arthur Jarvis, despite another year of being a good kid, while also once again lavishing his rich, dickwad neighbor, Austin…

Governor Herbert Calls Judicial Ruling On Same-Sex Marriage “Really Gay”

Featured Posts, News, Politics | by Tommy Cox

After the surprising announcement that US District Judge Robert Shelby struck down Utah’s amendment banning same-sex marriage in Utah, Gary Herbert wasted no time airing his and what he says are many other Utahns grievances from the bully pulpit.

Orson Scott Card Builds New Home in Draper, Contains No Closets

News, Politics | by Timothy McFoster

Mormonoclast writer Orson Scott Card built a new home in the foothills of Draper with explicit instructions to his builders to ensure there were no closets whatsoever in the house, no sir, not one. “I mean, why would I want…

Tagg Romney Dresses as Liza Minnelli for Halloween, Spares No Expense on Costume

News, Politics | by Ruth R. McConkie

Salt Lake City, Utah — Tagg Romney, the enigmatic Mormon rich kid, was spotted at Club JAM on Saturday night in a ‘Cabaret’ costume, apparently having undergone breast augmentation surgery. Some say his Liza obsession just got the best of…