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Pres. Boyd K. Packer: The Prophet Ought To Live Life To The Fullest

Pres. Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles displayed a chipper tone throughout his imperative remarks at the 183rd Semiannual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He advised that the “Living Prophet…

Utah Servers Dismayed that Priesthood Television Broadcast May Ruin Lucrative & Fun Prospects for Twice Annual Ladies’ Night

Featured Posts, News | by G. Samuel Pitts

Twice every year, all Utah servers look forward to a special Saturday night when all of the men pile into local chapels to be scolded about pornography addiction. “I’ve just always loved the herds of women coming in with no men, throwing…

Area Mormons Can’t Wait to Sleep Through General Conference

Featured Posts, News | by Ripley Wainwright

As what happens with semiannual regularity, Mormons will gather this weekend in homes, chapels, and the Conference Center in Salt Lake City in order to hear from church authorities whom they consider to be divinely inspired. Jeffrey Todd, a local…

Shutdown of ‘Guvurn Mint,’ Scented Herb Distributor, Exasperates Nation

News, Politics | by Timothy McFoster

In a move of unparalleled wankdom, scented herb distributor Guvurn Mint has been shutdown. Sources say specialized interest groups spearheaded the endeavor, most particularly the firebranded Cinnamon Tea Maketriots, led by Spokesperson John Flassid and newcomer Mike Leaf. “I know…