11:31 pm

06 November 2024

Morality

Santa Once Again Brings Neighborhood’s Rich Prick More Gifts Than Good Kid

Santa Once Again Brings Neighborhood’s Rich Prick More Gifts Than Good Kid

News | by Tommy Cox

West Jordan — It’s been confirmed by various sources that Santa Claus, international purveyor of joy, has once again shortchanged Arthur Jarvis, despite another year of being a good kid, while also once again lavishing his rich, dickwad neighbor, Austin…

Chick-Fil-A Changes Name to Chick-Phil-A to Honor Duck Dynasty Media Martyr

Chick-Fil-A Changes Name to Chick-Phil-A to Honor Duck Dynasty Media Martyr

Politics | by Timothy McFoster

Chicken sandwich empire Chick-Fil-A has announced a major name change to Chick-Phil-A, to honor the now unemployed Duck Dynasty millionaire Phil Robertson, who made comments equating logic with penis placement. “It’s a homonym, but not a homo-nym,” said Chick-Phil-A chief…

Tooele Residents Demand to Change ‘Black Friday’ to ‘White Friday’

Tooele Residents Demand to Change ‘Black Friday’ to ‘White Friday’

Opinion, Politics | by Timothy McFoster

A contingent of vocal Tooele residents expressed a firm desire to change the name of the shopping orgy known as the popularly-designated ‘Black Friday’ to a name they claim is “safer” to them: ‘White Friday.’ “I mean, why do they…

TRENDSPOTTING: Modesty Wings!™ Hit Stores, Increases Worth of Women

TRENDSPOTTING: Modesty Wings!™ Hit Stores, Increases Worth of Women

Featured Posts | by Lexie Duncan

Pleasing Christ is all the rage these days, and young women across the globe are finding it increasingly difficult to find appropriate drapery in which to do so. As exposed shoulders become more acceptable in the World, young sisters in…

American Fork East 17th Ward Offers Hand to ‘Opt-In’ Porn Petition

American Fork East 17th Ward Offers Hand to ‘Opt-In’ Porn Petition

Politics | by Timothy McFoster

American Fork’s East 17th Ward’s excitement erupted on Monday afternoon, as word of an online petition spread like wildfire or scattered seed all over the Face book feeds of the congregation’s members. “I knew I had to take a firm…

Orson Scott Card Builds New Home in Draper, Contains No Closets

Orson Scott Card Builds New Home in Draper, Contains No Closets

News, Politics | by Timothy McFoster

Mormonoclast writer Orson Scott Card built a new home in the foothills of Draper with explicit instructions to his builders to ensure there were no closets whatsoever in the house, no sir, not one. “I mean, why would I want…

Tagg Romney Dresses as Liza Minnelli for Halloween, Spares No Expense on Costume

Tagg Romney Dresses as Liza Minnelli for Halloween, Spares No Expense on Costume

News, Politics | by Ruth R. McConkie

Salt Lake City, Utah — Tagg Romney, the enigmatic Mormon rich kid, was spotted at Club JAM on Saturday night in a ‘Cabaret’ costume, apparently having undergone breast augmentation surgery. Some say his Liza obsession just got the best of…

“My Time is NOW” Declaims Disheveled, Shotgun-Wielding Man

“My Time is NOW” Declaims Disheveled, Shotgun-Wielding Man

News, Opinion, Politics | by Chester Strongfield

Mona, UT – Vocal Mona resident Burt Wight, 57, reportedly said, “The time has come, and it is now,” as he cleaned his shotgun on his porch on early Wednesday. “Don’t you get it? With this government shutdown, I reckon…