05:56 pm
17 February 2018

Shutdown of ‘Guvurn Mint,’ Scented Herb Distributor, Exasperates Nation

Shutdown of ‘Guvurn Mint,’ Scented Herb Distributor, Exasperates Nation

Guvurn MintIn a move of unparalleled wankdom, scented herb distributor Guvurn Mint has been shutdown.

Sources say specialized interest groups spearheaded the endeavor, most particularly the firebranded Cinnamon Tea Maketriots, led by Spokesperson John Flassid and newcomer Mike Leaf.

“I know they were worried their diminishing popularity would lead them to a quick footnote in history, but why go kamikaz-tea on everyone?” said Tommy Nodoh. “So I am supposed to celebrate their cinnamon shenanigans and not get paid when I have bills to pay and children to feed? What kind of selfish, privileged world do these dickfors live in?”

Guvurn Mint is the premier outlet for all mint-based needs. The speedy growth of the plant has allowed Govurn Mint to grow, cultivate, process, manufacture as candles and candy and milkshakes. Every state is represented by a Guvurn Mint shop, including the headquarters in Washington, DC.

Nodoh set out to gather support against the turd burgling at hand, only to realize that everyone was already against the shifty-eyed doom wishers of Cinnamon Tea Maketriots and its ilk. “So a handful of well-off suits can find a way to destroy many people’s livelihoods just so they can prove a point? Can’t they see that you can add cinnamon to almost any tea after the fact, especially mint? I’ve got a tea bag waiting for them, if you know what I mean.”