10:47 am
30 April 2017

American Fork East 17th Ward Offers Hand to ‘Opt-In’ Porn Petition

American Fork East 17th Ward Offers Hand to ‘Opt-In’ Porn Petition
We the People clearly hate the unpopular pornography industry.
We the People clearly hate the unpopular pornography industry.

We the People clearly hate the unpopular pornography industry.

American Fork’s East 17th Ward’s excitement erupted on Monday afternoon, as word of an online petition spread like wildfire or scattered seed all over the Face

book feeds of the congregation’s members.

“I knew I had to take a firm stand, so I put my name and zip code in the online form, and created a profile. It was so easy to access. I love when the Internet can be used so easily; I just type something into a box and have precisely what I’m looking for show up and hope that the bandwidth isn’t clogged. Sometimes you have to drop it from 1080p to 480p for it to load. Uh, the petition. To load,” said ward clerk Wally D. Nyles.

The petition reads in part:

even children can type in the word “cat” or “home” or “soup” and instantly be inundated with offensive and disturbing pornographic images. Parents and individuals have to go to great lengths to install Internet filters that often don’t weed out all porn… We are asking that people who are interested in porn should have to seek it and choose it. They should have to “Opt In” for it by making arrangements to receive it with their Internet Service Provider. Everyone else should be free from it and assumed “Opt Out.

Brother Jerry Goff, whose brother Jacques’ refusal to sign the petition gives him quite a rise, happily shared the petition on Facebook, and said the moral imperative was throbbing within him. “The petition has a goal of 100,000 signatures. I’m pretty sure that means once we hit that threshold, pornography will vanish from the Internet quicker than a minimized browser upon heard footsteps near the downstairs study,” Goff said.

According to the zipcodes listed, the petition is making rounds throughout Utah, Idaho, and the rich-pockets of southern California. “I’m impressed with LDS members choosing to hold to the rod. It’d be one thing if they were going to extremely overt lengths to hide human habits by overcompensating with public denials, but I just see the humble, principled suggestions toward living a moral life clean from licentious behavior,” said AF East 17th Ward Bishop Forrest Gildt.

Sister Tammy Wilkers asked her husband Jeff Wilkers when he was going to sign the petition, and he said, “[Opt-In] is gonna be like those “I Promise I am 18” warnings, right? Yeah, I can sign that. I think that is a great idea, I’ve never seen the reason to want to click the “I Promise I am 18” button, not now, and definitely not when I wasn’t of legal consumptive age back in the day. Yeah, I’ll sign this petition. Will it show up on my credit card bill? Oh, it’s free. Yeah, cool. You are going down. Yes, Youporn; you are going down.

Screenshot 2013-11-18 at 2.31.35 PM

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload the CAPTCHA.