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21 December 2024

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Santa Stockpiling 100 Billion in Gifts, Whistleblower Elf Alleges

Santa Stockpiling 100 Billion in Gifts, Whistleblower Elf Alleges

Featured Posts | by Russ Stewart

Take your eyes off the skies: It’s not just Santa Claus’s magical sleigh rocketing upwards, but the financial returns of a secret North Pole slush fund, according to the whistleblower complaint filed today with the International Monetary Fund. According to…

SLC Mayor Biskupski Strikes Deal With Dyson to Clean Up Inversion

SLC Mayor Biskupski Strikes Deal With Dyson to Clean Up Inversion

Featured Posts, Latest News, News | by Tommy Cox

In an unprecedented collaboration between private enterprise and Salt Lake City, Mayor Jackie Biskupski and British inventor James Dyson–the two wearing medical masks both for flourish and out of necessity–cut the ribbon on a bold plan to end the inversion…

Yes, Climate Change Is Real :( But So Are These Adorable Dogs!

Yes, Climate Change Is Real :( But So Are These Adorable Dogs!

Featured Posts | by Tommy Cox

Climate change getting you down? Then check out these adorable dogs, who are sure to warm your heart as much as the climate:

Shitload of Gold up Millcreek Canyon, Says Mining Prospector

Shitload of Gold up Millcreek Canyon, Says Mining Prospector

Featured Posts, News | by Tommy Cox

A mining prospector, Jules Eustace Jacobs, announced early this morning he’s hit the mother lode. “I guess he claims there’s a ‘shitload’ of gold up in Millcreek Canyon,” said Millcreek mayor Jeff Silvestrini, using air quotes. “I’m not really sure.…

Dante Exum Expected To Pan Out By 2027

Dante Exum Expected To Pan Out By 2027

Featured Posts | by Detlef Goethe Zern

Responding to rafts of continued criticism over the decision to keep a perpetually injured Dante Exum on board, Jazz management released a statement assuring that the once-highly touted 5th pick will eventually pan out as a reliable, contributing player and…

Why Doesn’t The Salt Lake Tribune Just Marry Mia Love?

Why Doesn’t The Salt Lake Tribune Just Marry Mia Love?

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

The Salt Lake Tribune became a heart-fluttering salivating mess in what can only be described as You Might As Well Propose To Her, You Silly Goose after the SLTrib endorsed two-term incumbent Rep. Mia Love’s reelection candidacy for Congress. Sources…

Sorry Everyone, I Meant Morons. Don’t Call Us Morons

Sorry Everyone, I Meant Morons. Don’t Call Us Morons

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

By Pres. Russell M. Nelson My bad, my beloved brothers and sisters. I know I said not to call us Mormons, but what I meant was not to call us morons. Slip of the tongue. It’d be moronic to jettison…

Dear Heavenly Parents: Please Make It All Stop

Dear Heavenly Parents: Please Make It All Stop

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Dear Heavenly Parents: are you just hearing, or are you listening? Please make it all stop. As quickly, as miraculously as possible. We asked years ago. What else are we supposed to do? Ask?