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29 April 2024

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Rep. Chaffetz Secretly Votes For Clinton So He Can Drag On Benghazi Refrain

Rep. Chaffetz Secretly Votes For Clinton So He Can Drag On Benghazi Refrain

Featured Posts | by Tommy Cox

Inside sources said Rep. Jason Chaffetz, the small-handed vociferous gadfly to Sec. Clinton, secretly plans to vote for the woman who he has publicly lashed with a $6.5 million empty investigation; the unabashed Benghazi-drummer Congressman who lists his personal Gmail…

Primary Kids Aghast After Gary Johnson’s “What Is A LEGO?” Gaffe

Primary Kids Aghast After Gary Johnson’s “What Is A LEGO?” Gaffe

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Snotty-nosed Primary-going rapscallions were left aghast after hearing Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson ask “What is a LEGO?” on a recent interview on MSNBC. “It wasn’t even a gotcha question, geeze,” said Brian Schmidt, a uniform-clad proud Webelos Scout. “What…

Bored Mormon Teen Demands Melchizedexit Referendum

Bored Mormon Teen Demands Melchizedexit Referendum

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

What started as a simple tweet from Beck Smoot–whose profile suggests he’s a “fan of CoD, BMX, Twizzlers. Oh, and AJ Styles is greater than Harry Styles duh.”–has swept through various Snapchat Stories in teen Mormon circles. Beck’s simple question…

Report: “Binge-watching” Enables Faster Transition Into Irrelevancy

Report: “Binge-watching” Enables Faster Transition Into Irrelevancy

Featured Posts, News | by Russ Stewart

LOS GATOS, CA: Netflix, Inc. publicly released the results of an internal report today, revealing that massive consumption of television programs in short periods of time can help ease twenty-somethings into their eventual state of total societal irrelevancy. It’s called…

London Temple Visitor’s Center Announces All-Gender Water Closet

London Temple Visitor’s Center Announces All-Gender Water Closet

Featured Posts | by Mahonri Smith

In a move to further distance themselves culturally from the Utah-centric politicization of the LDS Church, the London Temple Visitor’s Center announced plans to open an all-gender water closet to serve those who visit the temple grounds. “The temple is…

Negotiation Breakdown: Deseret News Demands SL Trib Be Printed In Deseret Alphabet

Negotiation Breakdown: Deseret News Demands SL Trib Be Printed In Deseret Alphabet

Featured Posts | by Randi Tennison

Sources inside the negotiations over the joint operating agreement between the Deseret News and the Salt Lake Tribune say that talks have stalled over a surprise gambit by the Deseret News. The paper, owned by the Church of Jesus Christ…

LDS Leaders Praise ‘Trash’ Video as “Sure Sign of Tyler Glenn Nailing It”

LDS Leaders Praise ‘Trash’ Video as “Sure Sign of Tyler Glenn Nailing It”

Featured Posts | by G. Samuel Pitts

Noting that the Neon Trees—Provo’s Mormon-rich musical sensation—”[hadn’t] really done all that much [for us]” since 2014, LDS leaders were thrilled with the solo release “Trash” from gay-but-definitely-celibate frontman Tyler Glenn. “Finally—our leading gay rockstar who couldn’t be a happier and…

Mormons Buy Jamesthemormon’s Gospel Rap Album Instead Of Porn For A Day

Mormons Buy Jamesthemormon’s Gospel Rap Album Instead Of Porn For A Day

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

LDS faithful across the nation, apparently and surprisingly willing to listen to something that isn’t Lemonade, paused their chosen pornography subscriptions for one day and flocked to iTunes to buy the new EP “I’m Not A Rapper” by Jamesthemormon. Whether…

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