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28 April 2024

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First-Ever Murders In A Planned Parenthood Committed By Colorado Terrorist

First-Ever Murders In A Planned Parenthood Committed By Colorado Terrorist

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

Continuing a string of ultra-violence, yet another wretched white male terrorist opened fire on innocent civilians, this time in a Colorado Springs Planned Parenthood location. He killed three people, making this the first-ever murders to take place in a Planned…

GOBBLE: If You’re Going to Kill Me, You Better Deep-Fry My Ass

GOBBLE: If You’re Going to Kill Me, You Better Deep-Fry My Ass

Featured Posts | by Peter 'The Turkey' Duanesson

gobbledy gobble gobble, glibbidy gloop gooble Hello friends, my name is Peter — son of Duane and Karen. An average Broad Breasted Bronze, I eat and goble along until the next chapter of my life opens up to me — which…

Refugees Relieved As Flyover States Refuse Them

Refugees Relieved As Flyover States Refuse Them

Featured Posts | by Snorri Sturluson

As news proliferates that more than half of all state governors—despite no legal justification—have announced they are unwilling to welcome Syrian refugees into their state, the refugees themselves are delighted to know they are avoiding the flyover states in the…

Three-Year-Old Christian Gives Zero Shits About Syrian Refugees

Three-Year-Old Christian Gives Zero Shits About Syrian Refugees

Featured Posts | by G. Samuel Pitts

RIVERTON, UT—Citing disappointment in their three-year-old’s attitude of utter indifference to the plight of Syrian refugees, the parents of Todd Finster have lost all faith in the child. “I never dreamed that a three-year-old could be so irrational,” said Brent…

Obama To SLC: “Sign Up For Insurance, I’ll Be Baptized In Your Golden Cattle Tub”

Obama To SLC: “Sign Up For Insurance, I’ll Be Baptized In Your Golden Cattle Tub”

Featured Posts | by G. Samuel Pitts

In an interesting twist to the challenge issued by the White House to 20 communities across the nation to enroll uninsured citizens in the healthcare marketplace, President Obama made a personalized promise to Salt Lake City. “Uh… look. Now, if…

LDS Church Clarifies Stance On Same-Sex Childhood Apostasy

LDS Church Clarifies Stance On Same-Sex Childhood Apostasy

Featured Posts | by Russ Stewart

SALT LAKE CITY – Mormon leaders spoke out this morning in an effort to explain controversial new policies, revealed last night through social media. “Families are the essence of the church,” says LDS spokesperson Emily Bennett. “They stand at the…

Morally Bankrupt LDS Church Acts On Anti Same-Sex Thoughts

Morally Bankrupt LDS Church Acts On Anti Same-Sex Thoughts

Featured Posts | by Timothy McFoster

In an unequivocal moral slippage, the LDS Church acted out on its anti-same-sex thoughts and announced a policy with regard to membership denial to children living in a same-sex home. Despite humming an Elder Uchtdorf talk to themselves, the urge…

Handfuls Of LDS Seek To Reconcile Genocidal Consequences Of BoM’s Spirit-Guided Explorations

Handfuls Of LDS Seek To Reconcile Genocidal Consequences Of BoM’s Spirit-Guided Explorations

Featured Posts | by G. Samuel Pitts

Across the state today, there are reports of at least a dozen-and-a-half LDS members who experienced some measure of cognitive dissonance during scripture study this morning. Sources indicate that reconciling a Holy Ghost-guided journey that initiated the raping, pillaging, and…

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