2015 – The Full Rear View
It's the end of 2015, and the bugle boys are back to tell you how it all went down.
Local Cat Disgusted by Holiday Consumerism
After a long year of listening to humans discuss minimalism and whether their objects bring them “joy,” a Salt Lake City cat says he’s appalled by the absolute chaos that reigned at his home on Christmas day. Steve, who would…
In His Words: SUPERDELL On The War On Christmas
To all those who don’t think they are Christian, just think for a second about what year it is. Why does the entire world track time by the sign given at the birth of Christ? If it didn’t happen, then…
Darth Vader, Who Is Dead, Baptized
In a solemn ceremony performed at the Salt Lake City Temple on Monday, 12-year-old Kyle Whiteler was baptized by proxy for and on behalf of Anakin Skywalker, who is dead. “I feel good knowing that whatever sins he committed during…
Area Child Devastated To Find Out Santa Not Real, Like God
After losing faith in God nearly a year ago, it was only a matter of time before eight-year-old Timmy Conklin figured out the truth about Santa. “I think I’ve been walking around willfully blind for a while now,” the devastated…
White Utahns Can’t Fathom Why Black People Don’t Act More Like White People
In light of tensions that have swept the country this year between police officers and black people, a recent study finds many white Utah residents are still struggling to understand why “[they] just can’t start acting more like white people…
Annoying Peacemaker Ruins Good Argument
OGDEN — A resident Ghandi has once again ruined a spirited debate during an evening among friends this past week. Reports are saying this is not the first time the peacemonger has spread his message of reason to bring an…
Abundant Prayer Finally Fixes America’s Gun Problem
In the wake of what has become an epidemic of mass shootings, it has now been widely confirmed that the surfeit of prayers has, at last, fixed America’s gun problem. “We are happy to announce that we no longer need…
